I’m sure we’ve all done it – spoken to a friendly and polite person on the phone and got more and more irate as they tell us sweetly that there’s nothing they can do to help, and then we say, “Let me speak to a manager.”
The conversation then goes something like this, every time.
Customer service person: “I am the manager.”
Us: “But you can’t help me. Can I speak to your manager?”
CSP: “My manager will only tell you the same thing as me.”
Us: “You’re supposed to be customer service. I’m a customer and you can’t help me and you’re telling me no one else can?”
CSP: “I can only act on what’s on the screen in front of me.”
Us: “I understand that, but why can’t you get me someone with authority to make an executive decision?”
At this point I should add that you must at no point in your irate outpouring allow yourself to say “fuck” because your call will be instantly terminated, and you will then have to start all over again with this:
Automated Answering System: “If you are calling about a new order, please press 1. If you are an existing customer, please press 2, etc.”
You press 2.
AAS: “If you would like to speak to customer services, please press 1, etc.”
You press 1.
CSP: “Hello can I help you?”
You: “I was talking to someone and got cut off.”
CSP: “Sorry about that. What was it about?”
You tell them.
CSP: “Oh, you’ve come through to the wrong department. Let me put you through to them. I’m just going to pop you on hold for one sec.”
Pop you on hold? POP YOU ON HOLD? Since when does listening to another three minutes of Four Seasons before hearing a phone ring, people talking in the background and then you hear the phone getting cut off require use of the word pop? It would be more truthful if they just said, “Don’t bother because we can’t help you anyway. We’re all too busy rolling Maltesers to each other across the uncluttered desks.”