I am privileged. Virgin Media considers me to be such an important customer that I have been offered the chance to be THE FIRST person to try its new app.
An email from the company announced this exciting news today.
You’re one of our favourite customers, so we think you deserve something brilliant, every day. That’s why we’ve specially hand-picked you to try an amazing new app before anyone else. It’s called Virgin Red, and it gives you access to exclusive offers, events, special discounts and loads more.
OK, I know what you’re thinking. It says I am “one of” their favourite customers. I could be one of ten, or a hundred, or a thousand. Who knows? They don’t define what size group I am one of.
But it clearly says in there that I can try the amazing new app “before anyone else”.
The header of the email also tells me I can “be the first”.
Now, obviously, you know this is not true. I know it too. Virgin is just trying to excite me by buttering me up.
This is lazy marketing. Insulting my intelligence – as if I would fall for this crap copy. I know that “one of our favourite customers” means I am one of tens of thousands. I know that “be the first” means I will be one of those many thousands, who will use the app before many more thousands.
I shouldn’t be surprised at being called a favourite customer. After all, I pay for the Virgin Media XL package as well as four mobile phone contracts. Virgin takes a chunk of money from me each month.
I am a happy customer. I’m even happy I got this email, but not happy that, with all the data Virgin knows about me, it has been put together in such an insulting and lazy fashion.
The final part of the email reveals how un-targeted it is.
Download the app on iOS and log in with your email address or Facebook, and you’ll enjoy access to exclusive offers, events, special discounts and competitions from companies right across the Virgin group (plus a few special friends). Build up your points as you go, and you’ll unlock even more cool stuff. Virgin Red is only available for Apple iOS devices so far.
Virgin. You know I have an Android phone, right? Course you do.